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Get back in the kitchen, woman!

February 14, 2012

One of the things that frustrates me the most about being a women is the expectations placed on us by men. We’re supposed to be dolled up, beautiful, bake perfect cakes, cook a perfect meal, raise perfect children, have a spotless home, and still have energy to be a sexpot in the bedroom. If you want a career in all of that, well… women shouldn’t even think about careers right?


But, the most frustrating thing is women’s response to these stereotypes and expectations. It’s almost like we let men treat us like this. We laugh at their woman-hating jokes, we tweet about Chris Brown beating us, and we watch those sappy romantic comedies that leave us sobbing at the end for some sort of Prince Charming; and we think it’s REAL.

First of all, @_anniegregg, I hope you never know what it’s like to be physically beaten. And if you have, you obviously are severely disturbed and should seek therapy immediately. Do you think this is funny? Domestic violence is funny to you? Is the fact that at least 3 women are murdered every day in the United States by a partner funny to you? Or how about the fact that every nine seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband/boyfriend.

Yes, that’s really funny. Hilarious. I’m peeing my pants with laughter.

In a recent article by BuzzFeed, they collected over 25 tweets during the Grammy Awards from different women claiming Chris Brown could beat them any day. Yes, you read that correctly.

Another instance I believe women support in the grand scheme of women-hating is romantic comedies. I’ve always had hard feelings for romantic comedies, and I always thought they were unrealistic, somewhat demeaning, especially in recent years. It wasn’t until I read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs that I felt vindicated for my pessimistic feelings. In a description of Coldplay and John Cusack:

Fake love is a very powerful thing. That girl who adored John Cusack once had the opportunity to spend a weekend with me in New York at the Waldorf-Astoria, but she elected to fly to Portland instead to see the first U.S. appearance by Coldplay, a British pop group whose success derives from their ability to write melodramatic alt-rock songs about fake love. It does not matter that Coldplay is absolutely the shittiest fucking band I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life, or that they sound like a mediocre photocopy of Travis (who sound like a mediocre photocopy of Radiohead), or that their greatest fucking artistic achievement is a video where their blandly attractive frontman walks on a beach on a cloudy fucking afternoon. None of that matters. What matters is that Coldplay manufactures fake love as frenetically as the Ford fucking Motor Company manufactures Mustangs, and that’s all this woman heard. “For you I bleed myself dry,” sang their blockhead vocalist, brilliantly informing us that stars in the sky are, in fact, yellow. How am I going to compete with that shit? That sleepy-eyed bozo isn’t even making sense. He’s just pouring fabricated emotions over four gloomy guitar chords, and it ends up sounding like love. And what does that mean? It means she flies to fucking Portland to hear two hours of amateurish U.K. hyper-slop, and I sleep alone in a $270 hotel in Manhattan, and I hope Coldplay gets fucking dropped by fucking EMI and ends up like the Stone fucking Roses, who were actually a better fucking band, all things considered.

Sigh. Women fall for this left and right. In real life, love doesn’t work that way. It’s hard, it’s work, and it isn’t all a cake walk. Is it worth it? Yes, most definitely love is worth all of that. But it’s not a Coldplay song, and it’s certainly nothing like Say Anything.

Even more vindicating, was this article I read today on, about a woman and her romantic comedy thesis. (Yes, she wrote a thesis for grad school on romantic comedies.) If you didn’t read it, it’s really more of a justification that romantic comedies only further women’s sense that a man will come and sweep you away while you drink endless amounts of wine and wear the cutest high end clothing, and live in a high-end apartment no woman could afford on her own.


And lastly, the fact that women call each other bitches, whores, sluts, the big c-word, and others also further allows men to call us that. What right do we have to yell at men for calling us bad names, while we call each other that ourselves? And worse, we do it as a joke. I’d rather someone call me a bitch and mean it, then call me a bee-yotch as a funny joke. That’s not funny. Nothing about that is funny. IT’S NOT FUNNY. Stop it. Seriously.

Stop the madness. The only difference between men and women is chromosomes and some bodily shapes. And don’t give me the argument that men are stronger. If a woman wanted to be a body builder, she could. See here. Or don’t, if you don’t want to be grossed out. I can do anything a man can do, I’ve proven it actually before, in multiple situations.

It’s okay to dress up, get dolled up, be great at baking and cooking, but it’s not okay to do it because a man tells you it’s the right thing to do. Do it because it feels good.

It’s okay to watch romantic comedies and sob over them. I know I do. But don’t take those endless stupid ideals and expect your next boyfriend to be six feet tall, and dark, and handsome, and perfect.

And lastly, it’s NEVER okay to call people names. Remember the old saying your mother gave you, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” It’s better to seem a fool and be silent than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

If we want men to treat us better, let’s start with ourselves ladies. Let’s not embarrass ourselves, anymore.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. February 15, 2012 8:25 am

    That romantic comedy thesis sounds very interesting.

  2. February 15, 2012 9:48 am

    Loved this! We need to respect ourselves and each other before we can demand respect from others. We are our own worst enemies! This should be our mantra.

  3. February 15, 2012 11:50 am

    I did a little research on Annie (who has since changed her twitter handle to @aannniiiieee.) Not only does she maintain that we should all find the humor in life (actually, she said “Like idk why people can’t laugh and make jokes about bad situations #requirement” but she says she can “make a joke about almost anything.” Shortly after those tweets you learn that she has a 5 year old daughter who, no doubt, thinks her mother’s hysterical when she jokes about domestic violence.

    I feel sorry for that little girl, and I hope Annie grows up a bit.

    P.S. Chris Brown isn’t even that attractive…?

    • February 15, 2012 11:52 am

      AH! I agree! I kept scratching my head thinking, Wow, then what would they let a VERY attractive person do? (On second thought, I probably don’t want to know that either.)

    • February 15, 2012 11:53 am

      And actually – I did read her tweets too before I used her as an example, alongside someone named @sarahleighlove. She was the WORST.

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